The Director's Wife

It's been a pretty good week around here.  Grief is funny.  At times you feel almost "guilty" about being happy or doing "ok".  I'm learning from reading the Bible that you can mourn AND be happy at the same time.  It's quit an odd feeling. One thing that has really triggered me this week is The Church Directory.  Our church is in the middle of updating our directory and so they asked all of us to look at our picture and information and make any updates that are needed......gulp.....here is our picture from last year.... Do you see what I see????  Yep, no Josiah.  My heart sank when I realized we could not add him or have a family picture with him in our church directory.   This made me feel like he never existed.  It doesn't make sense to list someone who is no longer here.  I get that.  It just hurts...I wish he was in at least one directory.  It's like we just skipped that part of our families history.  ...

Will I forget him?  This is what I fear most.   The days after Josiah left us I was in such a panic because I feared Adeline would not remember her brother.  I would talk about him all the time with her, practically forcing him down her throat.   For the first 30 days she did not even mention him.   Hello????    He's your brother.... I was sick with the possibility that she would forget him.   Why aren't you asking where he is???   Why aren't you looking for him????? Probably around month 2 Adeline began to talk about Josiah on her own.  We ask Jesus every night to give Josiah a big hug and kiss in heaven because we miss him.  The other day she randomly said she missed him....although this is sad it also made me EXTREMELY HAPPY to hear her say those words on her own. Josiah and Adeline  were only 27 months apart. They were just beginning to play together.  We were trying...